Buddah this, Buddah that…

So, when Christians get together they have Jesus, and the boy is on the cross. You don’t see a Christian going off to visit another Jesus; the one in the church is fairly standard. I like that - it's certain, no travel involved and he is keeping you in the know. “Lads, I died on the cross, forgive all sins, yadda yadda, you will be saved” and so on. However, it appears Mr Buddha thought he was a bit of a joker. There’s dancing Buddha, dragon Buddha, Buddah with a 45-degree angle and worst of all sleeping Buddha! (did Jesus or Mohammed sleep? No, they were off saving us. Nice job Buddha.)

So. I've now been in Vietnam for what is approaching 2 weeks, and have so far visited Saigon, Dalat and Nha Trang. Saigon was somewhat interesting - on meeting a habitual user of prostitutes in a bar my first night, who for 3 straight hours tried to chat up the owner, I decided that this bar should become my local. 5 days later, having got no further with the young barmaids I left Saigon. Oh wait, things did happen in between that... ah yes, the prostitute man;

Him: "... and we went out to lunch, you know, boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, holding hands and that..."
Me: "You do realise that it was only because you were buying her lunch?"
Him: "No, seriously, if I was staying in Saigon and not going to Pattaya (prostitution capital of Thailand) we would be together."
Me: "So are you getting the next beer?"

There was also the gay prostitute who tried to attack me and someone from Brighton - but luckily I was able to bang on the guesthouse gate loud enough for them to open up. This being the 4th night in a row I managed to wake the staff up... I could see the hostess's venom behind that vietnamese smile.

A visit to the Cao Daoist temples (who decided they would just merge all religions, like create a super religion - so basically all these people were off to heaven) and to the Chu Chi tunnels where we got to scramble around 'authentic' Viet Cong tunnels was certainly fun - although the smell and dirt made me think these may be more authentic than first thought. Then the souvenier trap;

"The man puts his leg in, and it get stuck with nails and he take it to hospital as souvenier!" - wonderful VC cunning.

Dalat is a small town in the highlands - very cheesy and a place for honeymoons. It predominantly involved an easy rider trip and 2 days trekking up the Langbing mountain and around various valleys. My easy rider decided I was a heartless bastard for not sending postcards home, and that I don't care about my parents. Luckily, we bonded over the disgraceful inclusion of Peter Crouch in the England team.

There were trips to a gay club in Dalat, which I immediatly recognised (seriously, no straight man has that much rhythm, unless he's black) but my friend decided that it was just a 'coincidence' that the dancefloor was all men. Getting 8-balled at pool by a french-canadian and meeting the world's best connect-4 player - all highlights of exciting Dalat.

Nha Trang is a coastal town and I decided to hire a moto driver for the day to see the sites. We reached a waterfall area in the rainforest which was known for swimming - there were about 10 high school kids there (lazy bastards should go to school). On taking my top off (to cheers, which I put down entirely to my amazing physique) I managed to jump, slip, and nearly crack my head open - but it was all deliberate for entertainment... honest.

Nha Trang seems to have a excessive amount of really good looking women, but despite this prostitution exists. But here, it isn't just the casual calls of 'boom boom', but instead full on assault which is only ended by threatening to punch them.

Them: "Massage, very handsome?"
Me: "I'm as handsome as the last guy you fucked. No."
Me: "Oh, and at least I don't have to sell myself."

I'm sure they didn't understand that, but it made me feel better.

Photos: a few have been uploaded to my Yahoo photos account.